A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
