Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
