The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
