Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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