So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
