i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
