so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
