The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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