I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
