fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
