Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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