Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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