maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
