last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
