Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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