I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
