so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
