Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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