were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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