I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
