Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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