I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
