she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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