Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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