I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
