So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she peed on how many people?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
