Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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