sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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