Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
