You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
