dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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