Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
