Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
