i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
