It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
