Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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