Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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