stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And then he peed in my hair
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
