my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
