He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
