I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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