She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
