oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
