just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
