My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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