I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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