No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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