my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
