Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
