You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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