Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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